frustration

From where does passion come? Why does it feel like I find it and then I can't put the time or energy into something to make it happen? Do all people feel like their life lacks passion? I don't understand why I can't seem to figure out what makes me happy. Why is it so hard for me to figure out what I should do with my life? I think I feel a calling to be a doctor, but my inability to focus on school rips that feeling away. I don't ever want to study. I don't ever want to focus and I have NO motivation. In high school, I had motivation. I wanted to be the best me I could be. Now I have NO IDEA what or who I want to be. I won't make myself study or be devoted to school. I don't get it! I'm bored and I can't find anything I enjoy. I try to reach for the Lord but it just gets harder and harder. I don't understand! My frustration is so difficult to fight through. I want clear answers and direction for my life. I've always been told that when you commit to the Lord, your life will get more difficult at first. I guess that is true, but it feels difficult now. I want to push out the devil and all evil. The evil one taunts me, frustrates me, and dangles my dreams over my head. I want to be passionate about something. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy life, all parts of life.

Placement

Placement can be defined as 'the assignment of a person to a suitable place.' People are placed in your life in order to teach you, help you, point out your strengths, show you your weaknesses, and inspire you to become the best you can be. Some people are placed in your life permanently, to be your best friends, so that you may teach one another and grow together. Other people are temporarily placed in you life. Often these people have the greatest impact. Sometimes they point out your flaws, sometimes they teach you to view yourself differently, and sometimes their influence allows you to become who you truly always wanted to be. I believe that God uses placement in the sense I defined above. I believe people in my life have been assigned to me. New people sometimes enter and leave your life very rapidly; other times they stay forever. Recently, God has used people to show me my flaws, encourage me to better myself, and to be the pressure point that I've needed for quite some time. Throughout the past two and a half years in college, I have struggled to find myself. I had on idea what I wanted out of life, what I should major in, or who I should be. All of this confusion was due to the fact that I had put my relationship with God on the back-burner. I only asked for His guidance when things got "really bad" or in situations that "I" couldn't handle on my own. I've felt a tugging at my heart for years now. NEVER would I respond. I would sit in my seat and not move, refuse to talk to anyone about my feelings, and even go days without praying. The anxiety of trying to do EVERYTHING on my own, with ultimately NO guidance, was destructive, difficult, and terrifying. God placed new people in my life who could show me how to pray, how to listen to the Lord, and ways to live without being a typical college party chick. The tugging at my heart got stronger and stronger as I saw how great a life fully based on a relationship with the Lord can be. No I didn't realize the reason for some of these people being in my life until they were removed from my life, but now I realized how wonderful of an influence they have had on me. Even though the person God used as a pressure point for me is no longer a persistent presence in my life, God gave me wonderful, supportive friends who help me grow in the Lord. The clarity and peace I have received lately is unparallelled to anything I've ever felt before. Placement of people in my life has had such an awesome impact and I hope that God can use me to influence others in the same way.

-Change is Revolutionary.

Wake Up Call for Love

So I used to believe that when one wanted to find Love, you had to throw yourself out there and go for it! I believed I was too old to "date around." Dating was pointless unless the other person immediately saw me in their future. It was all or nothing. Yes, we are told you date to marry; however, this advice is misleading (or at least I think it is). Dating is simply getting to know someone and it takes a while to REALLY understand someone. Even after years of knowing a person, one may not fully understand them. Finding Love should be a slow process that occurs after finding a friendship that can bloom into something stronger. One should not date to find Love. One should date to find friendship; yes, in the hopes that the relationship formed will one day be Love, but NOT specifically to find Love. Saying that you only want to date someone if they can absolutely see you in their future is really just a Sorry excuse for being afaird of getting hurt! If you don't reallly try to get to know someone and truely become friends, you are not even putting yourself in the position to fall in Love. You are shying away. Yes, you should guard your heart, but NOT out of fear of being hurt. You should guard your heart so that you stay true to your morals, beliefs, and true to yourslef! This realization may sound simple to many, but it is a major changing point for me. God Bless.

-Change is Revolutionary.